A report released by the Center for Drunk Cows (CDC) has revealed that it was seals, the mortal enemies of the walrus, that are responsible for bringing the deadly Mycobacterium tuberculosis aka Tuberculosis. According to the scientists at Ars Technica, “Understanding how some of these have managed to make the leap to human lungs has turned out to be rather complicated. Further evidence of this comes from a study published Wednesday that suggests that infectious strains of the bacteria managed to cross the Atlantic before the first European strains did—carried in the lungs of seals.” While we wonder how they only just now managed to discover what has long been known the walrus, defender of humans, this only further cements out deep-seated hatred of those ugly, nasty seals. Only seals would be stupid enough to think that Tuberculosis is something one gives as a gift to humans. The War On Seals is still underway and, as it has been for the past 2456 years, still has no end in sight.