As I sit here in central Washington, I’m reminded of all my glorious forefathers that brought this nation from a wee little tyke to the grumpy father-figure that it is today. Jefferson on my left, flipping a coin over and over again. Lincoln above and below with his sultry smile. Adams, the fattest and most honourable of them all, is to my left. Glorious.
With that, I am going to completely forget about all of those suckers, and beg you for some money. See, I’m here in Washington and it’s freaking snowing outside. Seriously. Snow in December? What is this, Macedonia? The fact is, I need money and I need lots of it if I’m going to make it out of here alive and thawed. Please air drop all donations on the Washington Memorial, which I will proceed to climb and retrieve. If the amount is more than $10.00, I will even send you a picture with the view!
Hurry and send your donations in today!!! This walrus is in need and lacks the blubber to survive!!!