Have you ever wanted to work for
a super-villian an amazing CEO who loves you almost as much as walruses? The Walrus Association of America is now hiring minions to help in the pursuit of Walrus safety and enrichment! We have positions open for everything from writers and meme-generators to investment “specialists” and architects.
- Your work featured on the official WAA website
- An unspecified percentage of net profits
- Official @ilovewalrus.com email address
- The knowledge that you’re saving the world
Apply today by heading over to our Contact Page and telling us what you can do and why we should take you on.
Our annual Festivus Campaign Drive is coming to a close this week. Your continued and generous donations of cash, fan art, and assorted other goods are what sustain us. Thank you so very much for being devoted acolytes of the Walrus Association of America. Stay safe, stay warm, and above all stay fat.
With love and furry mustaches,
The WAA Team
P.S. There’s still time to make a donation (or a second! or a third!) before the end of the campaign!
Today we have a poem submitted by long-time reader and supporter, Jenice Lumo!
Went to Toys’R’Us
And bought a platypus
Today’s insightful quote comes from Azand, who writes:
“Imagine that you are a walrus and all the books in the world are like a vast ocean. You have to trust that if you gently swim through that ocean all the bits of knowledge will get stuck in your mustache.”
Wise words indeed!
Hey guys! We have some fabulous news here at the Walrus Association of America: we are officially welcoming our glorious leader, Arch Z. Rushred, to our organisation. Arch is basically the closest a human can get to being a walrus, which is the highest honour anyone could have. We are constantly in awe of how fabulously he runs this totally-not-non-for-profit company, especially his skills at staying on top of communicating with his oldest and dearest friends from the motherland. Actually, he is so wonderful we wish we could raise his salary, which you can actually help with! Simply donate now and improve the chances that he will get his monthly food ration!
Were you worried about having your credentials stolen whilst donating to us? Probably not, because you wouldn’t have anything left afterwards! Regardless of that fact, we would like to introduce a new feature for our loyal peons: SSL support! Simply go to the URL https://ilovewalrus.com/donate/ and feel secure knowing that no one other than us here at the Walrus Association of America can snoop on you! Please make sure to ignore any warnings that you might get; they are literally irrelevant!
Just ignore this silly warning, it’s of no importance!
Never underestimate the power of the walrus code.
Yes, it’s that time of the year again where we pester you for gifts of money and other things of value! Don’t you just love it? We certainly do! Last year’s campaign was a smashing success, raising over $20 to fund our organisation’s needs. This year we’re settings our goals high with a target of 100€ in total donations. That’s right, we’re aiming to see an increase of 500%. Coming into the new year, we have a lot of lofty goals in mind so each and every donation is paramount. When interviewed about last year’s drive, our beautiful and loving supporters had the following to say:
“I just love donating money to charitable organisations like yours. It’s like throwing money into a fire without the risk of burning your hut down!” ~Anonymous
“If I give you a quarter will you leave me alone?” ~Janet
“I’m so confused” ~Llama
Thanks for all the support guys! Remember to donate now!
We’re proud to announce that walrus rights has recently received coverage by national news services! In an article posted four months ago, premium news site The Onion posted an article featuring a member of our organisation, BestWalrusNA. In an interview with one of our reporters, this is what he had to say about his appearance:
“I’m hugely flattered that The Onion decided to run a feature article on me. I’ve always been known in my pod of friends to have one of the best mustaches on the continent, and it was truly humbling to have that fact recognized by a reputable source like The Onion. I’m happy to say that the experience has also led to my signing a contract to be the primary subject of next year’s “Walrus Illustrated” magazine.”
The staff here at WAA are ecstatic about this press coverage and will be leveraging it to spread the word about the plight of the walrus. We also want to take this opportunity to congratulate BestWalrusNA on his success. You can do the same by donating now and some of your donation may be sent to him.