This wonderful walrus was sent by a strong supporter of walrus rights. The reason for this walrus’s obvious and sparkling joy is because he knows that you will donate your money! Don’t break those beautiful hearts. Be kind and generous, not cold and cruel; donate now!
I know it’s been a while since our last update, but we’re back with some awesome almost-nearly-Christmas-time news for your walrusing pleasure!
- Dozer, a loyal Walrus Association of America member, recently moved out of his parents’ basement at the ripe age of 23. After putting on a few pounds to break the 3,600 barrier, Dozer moved to Point Defiance, where he hopes to find a
- Previously, we told you the sad tale of E.T. the Walrus. Our loyal and generous readers will be happy to note that we’ve commissioned a beautiful new statue to be erected at the Point Defiance Zoo and Water Park.
Funding is estimated to be $130,000 and will come from community donations,
The Zoo SocietyThe Walrus Association of America, and the Metro Parks Tacoma Public Art Program. Probably a lot of that is our premier partner, The Walrus Association of America
— Executive Deputy Director John Norvell
“Well, it works fine unless you do something it doesn’t like.”
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Brought to you by the makers of QuickBooks and Mint.com, this elegant statue of a diving walrus can be had for only 240 Canadian Dollars, which is something like 5,000 US Dollars. .
Get it today by making a very generous donation or by heading to Cape Dorset Intuit Art.
Only the greatest walruses understand the true meanings of walrus. Only those hardened by life’s woes and joys may see the light of walrus wisdom. This museum piece conveys not only this, but so much more. This walrus stands with solemnity and grace, with tusks glowing like light sabers, or grape ice pops that have had most of the flavoring sucked out of them. This opus of true brilliance compels us all to donate as soon as we can!
In an unsurprising turn of events, the walrus E.T. is once again in the ‘guarded’ condition. While the explanation for this by the Point Defiance Zoo & Aquarium officials is that he is only possibly ill, the Walrus Association of America believes that he may actually have been targeted by the same mysterious killer that affected the walruses in another part of the world earlier this year.
WAA is under the suspicion that E.T. is being targeted because of his other-wordly origins. The official story is that E.T. was orphaned at a young age, but it’s commonly known that the walrus is from a different constellation, hence the name. A senior aquarium official that wishes to remain anonymous (his name is Jonathan McTimson) told us that E.T. has been entered into the US witness protection program as a precaution, and that any future appearances in the aquarium will be made by a body double or stuffed animal. The End!
Today we mourn the loss of Europe’s oldest walrus, Natasja. She passed away in her sleep in a sea-mammal park, the Dolfinarium, in Hardewijk, Netherlands on Tuesday. Unknown to the general populace, Natasja was not only an amazing and kind walrus, but also a seer of uniquely gifted talent. As such, The Walrus Association of America has lost not only a dear friend, but also their primary source of prediction-based income. According to Piet Mosterd, Natasja, “was a clever girl.” Truly an understatement we definitely agree with.
Since we can no longer rely upon her as an oracle, we kindly suggest you donate to our cause until we can get replacement income. Remember, Natasja predicted you would!
This walrus is sad, because you have not donated. Please donate so that this walrus can stop being sad and be happy instead!