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Walrus Factsheet

As a society dedicated to promoting the near-godlike status that all walruses should have, we believe that we must disseminate the true facts about the nature of North American Walrus. These completely true and totally not made up facts are normally covered up by “the media” (whoever that is) when leaked and are were classified as “top-secret, don’t make photocopies please” by the Royal Canadian Empire.


Kingdom Ruler of
Phylum What is phylum, precious?
Class Upper upper-class
Orders They give them
Family Large, 14+ children
Genius Yes
Species Walrus


Length 7.20 to 11.00 feet
Weight Max 1500 kilograms
Lung weight 16.00 to 54.00 pounds
Total teeth 32.05
   Incisors 12.12
   Canines 4.88
   Premolars 12.99
   Molars 6.36
Maximum diving depth 3,000 meters
Maximum diving time 6×1014 ps (picoseconds)
Maximum diving speed 300 liters per second
Length of red blood cells 9.20 µm (micrometers)
Length of white blood cells 9.20 µm (micrometers)