There’s a fine thick line between being gloriously fat and obesity, but this walrus makes me question everything I knew about putting on some healthy weight. Covered in what looks like strange, fatty globules, viewing the God Amongst Walruses leaves you astounded that such a being could exist, much less be photographed without blinding everyone in sight.
It’s that time of the year again where we pester you for donations of money and other valuable things (something we totally don’t do during the rest of the year)! The Biannual Walrus Festivus Campaign Drive is fun-filled fundraising event that exploits the need for people to feel good about themselves by donating a large portion of their money to “charities”. At least some of the funds we receive this season will be used to develop a new line of WAA branded teas and hoodies. Initial findings indicate the Tuna flavoured tea is an underserved market that could produce billions of profits and will be wildly successful in the Congo and Tunisia. Head on over to our donate page and send us your cash, money, valuables, and baked goods. We promise that you will feel better for it!*
In addition, the money where
Thank you for your continued support! (tightwads…)
*All promises are non-binding and will not be honoured by anyone. We deny all promising and results.
As I sit here in central Washington, I’m reminded of all my glorious forefathers that brought this nation from a wee little tyke to the grumpy father-figure that it is today. Jefferson on my left, flipping a coin over and over again. Lincoln above and below with his sultry smile. Adams, the fattest and most honourable of them all, is to my left. Glorious.
With that, I am going to completely forget about all of those suckers, and beg you for some money. See, I’m here in Washington and it’s freaking snowing outside. Seriously. Snow in December? What is this, Macedonia? The fact is, I need money and I need lots of it if I’m going to make it out of here alive and thawed. Please air drop all donations on the Washington Memorial, which I will proceed to climb and retrieve. If the amount is more than $10.00, I will even send you a picture with the view!
Hurry and send your donations in today!!! This walrus is in need and lacks the blubber to survive!!!
Early on July 26, pilot ‘raging walrus’ of the Goonswarm Federation managed to lose his capsule due to horrible incompetence on his part. In doing so, he cost us at least 10,000 ISK, which is like a billion real world dollars. In order to make up for his grand failing, we are pleading for our dear readers to send us a donation. Details below.
Only the greatest walruses understand the true meanings of walrus. Only those hardened by life’s woes and joys may see the light of walrus wisdom. This museum piece conveys not only this, but so much more. This walrus stands with solemnity and grace, with tusks glowing like light sabers, or grape ice pops that have had most of the flavoring sucked out of them. This opus of true brilliance compels us all to donate as soon as we can!