Hey guys! We have some fabulous news here at the Walrus Association of America: we are officially welcoming our glorious leader, Arch Z. Rushred, to our organisation. Arch is basically the closest a human can get to being a walrus, which is the highest honour anyone could have. We are constantly in awe of how fabulously he runs this totally-not-non-for-profit company, especially his skills at staying on top of communicating with his oldest and dearest friends from the motherland. Actually, he is so wonderful we wish we could raise his salary, which you can actually help with! Simply donate now and improve the chances that he will get his monthly food ration!
Were you worried about having your credentials stolen whilst donating to us? Probably not, because you wouldn’t have anything left afterwards! Regardless of that fact, we would like to introduce a new feature for our loyal peons: SSL support! Simply go to the URL https://ilovewalrus.com/donate/ and feel secure knowing that no one other than us here at the Walrus Association of America can snoop on you! Please make sure to ignore any warnings that you might get; they are literally irrelevant!
We here at WAA are very excited to announce a project of great import! Our engineers, designers, and accountants have teamed up with a very prestigious and prominent pop fiction writer in order to further our goals of Walrus Liberation across the English-speaking world. They have fashioned several pieces of informative and creative literature in order to help disadvantaged, inner-city teens learn more about WAA’s excellent programs. Here is a sample of this most excellent collaboration, a poem entitled Very Walrus:
My room is very Walrus
It’s very plain to see
Walrus is as Walrus does
And Walrus is for me
I only want to Walrus
So Walrusing I’ll do
And Walrus does for everyone
What Walrus aught to do
For Walrus and for all of us
Us below, Walrus above
For Walrus doesn’t fuss
Walrus gives us love
Of course, this poem, not only an example of both raw talent and meticulous attention to detail, is a clever reference to our year-round education program known as Walrus. To learn more, please visit the Training page and sign up today!
Yes, it’s that time of the year again where we pester you for gifts of money and other things of value! Don’t you just love it? We certainly do! Last year’s campaign was a smashing success, raising over $20 to fund our organisation’s needs. This year we’re settings our goals high with a target of 100€ in total donations. That’s right, we’re aiming to see an increase of 500%. Coming into the new year, we have a lot of lofty goals in mind so each and every donation is paramount. When interviewed about last year’s drive, our beautiful and loving supporters had the following to say:
“I just love donating money to charitable organisations like yours. It’s like throwing money into a fire without the risk of burning your hut down!” ~Anonymous
“If I give you a quarter will you leave me alone?” ~Janet
“I’m so confused” ~Llama
Thanks for all the support guys! Remember to donate now!